Random Rant #127 – Your Kids Aren’t Special

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“Are your kids in danger?”

“We must protect the innocent children from this, that or the other!”

“What about the children?”

At any given point of the day you’re going to be fed these lines. I’m sick of it. Don’t be an idiot and fall for it.

Now, before you write me off as a Kid Hater. I’ve raised one, for a little while on my own, and that said kid is going to make me a grandparent later this year. (Shit. I just outed myself to all of you Ageists out there.)

Most people will tell you, “I love kids”. But some of them are full of shit. I’m honest about it. Most likely my disdain for children comes from the fact that most parents I know are assholes when it comes to their kids. They overprotect them, coddle them and most importantly…brag about them.

I don’t give a shit.

Tell me you haven’t seen those fucking bumper stickers that say “My kid’s an Honor Student at Keyser Soze Elementary”. Good for you. Get out of my way.

But I digress.

Anyway, my initial point of this post is please quit using kids to sell your opinion, point of view or product.

It’s impossible to watch the news without some talking head teasing you with an upcoming story that you MUST tune in for with “Are your kids in danger?” Your maternal instincts make you stick around to see what they’re going to report on. Most likely it’s not that important and they just suckered you into watching their slanted views on events to shill their endorser’s crap that you really don’t need. Most likely it’s a story about some product that was recalled because one kid (out of 2 million) in East Bumfuck had his/her pinky severed (due to some parent’s negligence).

My favorite is the story that comes out every three to four years about some dumb ass parent that is drawing attention to themselves because their kid’s talking doll says a swear word. Of course the newscast can’t play the word and the parent is considering seeking legal (monetary) retribution. Come on, tell me you haven’t seen this on the news.

The other ploy for suckers is when people try to sell you on something to “protect the children.” This is  really big when it comes to censorship. “We have to ban this in order to protect our kids.” How about you quit being lazy and parent your rugrats? It’s not my job. It’s not society’s. It’s yours.

Politicians looovvve to throw this one out there. How many bills were passed into law to “protect the children”? Many of these laws trample civil liberties to sell someone’s idea of decency. It’s usually based on some archaic tome that people look to for guidance because they lack simple common sense.

So, if you’re a parent be a good parent. If you have doubts read a book on it, talk to YOUR parents about it but more importantly don’t make decisions solely based on fear. In most instances your kids are going to grow up and be just fine. Whether or not they’re assholes, however, is greatly up to you. Break the cycle. Get some meaning in your life before you make them the meaning of it.

Oh, and quit trying to one-up everybody with your kids. Most people don’t give a shit about your Honor Student. Most likely your kids are annoying and not that special.

– Darth