Effective Cussing – Sugar Honey Ice Tea

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While cursing is, in most gentle company, considered something just above flinging snot; we here at WRA feel its an important part of modern American expression. How could we adequately convey our most intense emotions without a good fuck or shit once in awhile. Cussing while not for everyone, is as valid a form of self expression as singing or smiling.

But there are people out there that want to make you feel bad about it.

You know them, usually people that where raised by drunken Christian parents and when they hear you cuss they say things like, “What did you say?” or “Whoa watch the f-bombs.”

But there are others, typically born agains or Southern Baptist, that will lay another trip on you. They will say things like, ” ‘scuse me, but I don’t hear profanity! I don’t use it and I don’t want to hear it. I’ll pray for you.”

Get Fucked.

What drives me crazy is that blue language is not a sin. (Not that I care, but still.) There is no mention in the bible or Torah that says that God will burn your ass for eternity if you slip a couple of cocksuckers or pussies in once in a while. Nothing. Don’t believe me, look.

The thing that really makes me want to burn a mother fucker’s house down though is when they give me some cacamamy replacement for my favorite vocabulary. Case in point, this past weekend while coming home from Chicago on the Amtrak my good friend and Darth’s wife said “shit”. She said “shit” in front of this loud-mouthed black lady that worked the Cafe car. Upon hearing the offending word she spouted, “Oh my don’t say that word, say sugar.” Granted it was not that obnoxious at first but then she went on to tell her that she should say “Sugar Honey Ice Tea” in lieu of shit because Jesus hates profanity I started to feel my skin crawl and my fists clench.

Give me a break. Sorry, a fucking break.

If I say “sugar honey ice tea”, when I mean shit, its basically the same as saying shit, right? As if by substituting one word for another it somehow mystically removes the intent of the words. Ridiculous. That would mean that when I say “friendly anus groupy” I mean fag or when I say “pickles in sweet sauce” I mean piss or when I say “first under christine’s knickers” I mean… well you know what I mean.

Actually one of my favorite curse-word replacements in this vein is “foxtrot unicorn charlie kilo”, which comes in second to my kids’ favorite “if you seek Amy” and “Shut the front door”.

My other favorite fuck substitute is frag, thanks BSG.

With All Due Respect,
The Chief

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