Time to tuck you in.
Tomorrow’s the big day.
Santa will be here!
You’ve behaved all year I’m sure you’re not on the Naughty List.
Now remember, you can’t get up in the middle of the night or Santa won’t come.
His elves have been toiling all year to make the toys for y….
Dammit. I can’t lie to you anymore.
Kids. There is no Santa. Never was. He’s just a control-figure we attempt to use to keep you in line and detract from the real meaning of Christmas:
The birth of baby Jesus.
That’s what Christmas is about.
Christmas is the day that God gave man his only son so that he could teach us for a brief time on this earth and later die on the cross (all part of God’s plan) so that he could free us from sin.
We should be celebrating his birth and give thanks to…
Dammit. I can’t do it.
That’s made up too. Ok. Maybe the guy is actually more likely to have existed than Santa Claus but he’s actually a control-figure as well. He and Santa have both done some magic. Brought people back to life, shrunk to fit down chimneys, cured lepers, travel all over the world in one night, walked on water, made reindeer fly.
Don’t be upset kids. It’s for your own good. I’m stopping this cycle now so that you don’t have to grow up and tell your kids the lies I’ve been telling you for years. The same ones my parents told me and my parent’s parents told them.
Wow. This feels good. It’s nice to get this weight off my chest. Now you can live your lives without these restraints. You can behave because it’s the right thing to do. Not because some invisible bearded guy is watching you and judging whether you’ve been naughty or nice or said three Hail Marys.
Sleep tight kids. Don’t let the bed bugs bite.
Oh, they’re just small parasitic insects that feed on human blood when they infest your bed.
Yes, THOSE, on the other hand, DO exist.